“want it to be what it's not”

“I wanted a muffler to go with a vintage coat i wear on special occasions. I ordered this in black and it is nice, but the zipper and strap links look cheap shiny silver to me. I wish they weren't there. I was hoping the strap would be removable or at least tuck in, but it doesn't seem to. I suppose I could cut it off. But it's flat, too. Only one side of it has a zip pocket, so I can't stuff stuff in both sides to round it out. I think it just pales in comparison to the one I had when I was 7 years old... so I'm hard to please!”