**This is a Guest post from Gina Bégin. Discuss this topic at 4pm MDT 9/26 on Twitter #STPLive. We'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject.**
You're new to the game. Or maybe you're not. Either way, you need partners to belay you or at least a friend to ride the lift with so you don't get eyed up by the mustached creeper in the singles lane. The best way to get a crew is to act like you're in the know and spout off your rad achievements - that is, if you want a crew of haters.
Don't be a n00b. Here's how to figure out if you're turning off partners like Miley Cyrus turns off fans:
1. You wear your goggles/sunglasses on the back of your head. Those are not fashion accessories and no one looks cool with bloodshot eyes. Turn 'em around, cover your eyes and work on your goggle line (while using sunscreen responsibly). While you're at it, take off the backwards baseball cap. That's a good boy.
2. You rock music so everyone can hear. You might think blasting Nine Inch Nails at the local crag or ski hill will make you look like you're in a pro video, but no one is fooled. Work on your technique quietly, then go home, watch a real pro being filmed, and think about how much better you need to be before you can do things like blast NIN. (Hint: You'll never get there.)
And no, don't post up 27 minutes of GoPro footage sliced to death with transitions as you attempt a single route. Not even your mom wants to see that.
3. You cover up your lack of talent by wearing the latest fashions instead of investing in lessons (because so far you haven't made any friends who are willing to teach you). Just because you are wearing skier Tanner Hall's Rastafarian outerwear doesn't mean anyone is gonna confuse your weak turns with the Wild Lion's. Tone it down, big shot, until it's no longer the clothes that make you feel cool but that mountain air on your skin as you effortlessly slash the stash.
4. Ladies Edition: You lay on the makeup to look cute for those butt shot photos while you smile at the camera, hangdogging on top rope (for the 11th time). The only raccoon eyes that granola girls are okay with sporting are the kind that come from sunglasses and lots of time perfecting athletic technique outdoors, not a mascara technique pre-game. Put down the wand, pick up some chalk and let the bruises and scrapes - that come from actually trying - color your skin.
5. You spout off terms and drop names like you know what you're talking about - way before you actually do. Hey, not a single one of us cares if you can't differentiate between a redpoint and onsight, if you ask for clarification between ski touring and plain ol' backcountry skiing, or if you wonder why you keep hearing the word "sharma" wherever you go. But if you throw these terms around and read up on pros simply to impress everyone with your knowledge, you'll just end up looking like a fool. A fool with no friends.
Bonus tip: Go check out G.N.A.R. the Movie. Watch closely. If anything that the pros do in those videos is what you do everyday in all seriousness, then congratulations: You actually do have a movie all about you. Now stop and realize they're all making fun of you.
6. You openly give your opinion on everyone else's gear, clothing and knowledge. No one likes a one-upper. People hold their gear near and dear to their hearts and often their knowledge comes from personal experience. Reading about an item in a gear review or a technique from "Mountaineering: Freedom of the Hills" doesn't mean you can dethrone time-tested knowledge. Street smarts will always trump book smarts, my dear Watson.
7. You give smart-aleck advice instead of using that energy to perfect on your own abilities (including giving advice on "How to Not be That Guy/Girl").
[Swallowing own medicine]
Could be why journalists are in such low demand amongst friends
. . .
Got a bone to pick with these points? Got a few tips of your own to add? Leave your thoughts in the comments.
**Once dubbed the Martha Stewart of the outdoors (minus jail time), Gina is a ski lover, freelens photojournalist, "The Most Epic Trip" climber, pro roadtripper, founder of Outdoor Women's Alliance & owner of mad kitchen skills. She's into big hugs & Hi5s. Follow her adventures at Ginabegin.com.**
How Not to be That Guy/Girl
By Gina Begin
September 24, 2013
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